Today is the day we are supposed to show our Moms just how much we love them.  We are supposed to take them flowers, out to dinner and remind them how much their loved.  I can’t do that!!!  My sweet Mother passed away 2 years ago and today I spend it being sad that I can’t spend it with her.
I am normally the cup half full kind of woman but today…that one is hard for me!  Yes I am a mother of oodles of kids but today I want to be with my MOM and today I can’t!  That makes for one huge suckfest in my world today.  I want to see her smile…I want to hold her hand ….I can’t!

I was lucky.  I had an awesome Mom.  She was amazing.  She was selfless beyond compare.  My Mom didn’t have an easy life.  I remember a time when noisy neighbors gossiped about my poor Mom and the poor condition of her undergarments on the clothesline. They had comments that poor Mom’s underwear had holes in them.  Oh the cackling hens didn’t think that one would reach my Mother’s ears but oh it did.  My Mom wasn’t one for caring what noisy people had to say but I remember that day when I was young.  A friend of her’s told her about the gossip.  She acted liked she didn’t care but she was hurt for sure.  I remember her going up to her room for a few minutes and hearing her cry.  I remember sitting outside her door and feeling like all I wanted to do was wallop old Mrs. Crosby for hurting my Mom’s feelings.  Why did she care what my Mom’s underwear looked like? Why did she have to make my Mom cry?  I remember marching up to the corner where Mrs. Crosby lived and seeing her outside.  I remember telling her she was mean and storming away.  The woman had no idea what I was talking about but you can be sure she told my Mom later how disrespectful I was and you can be sure I got a spanking for that one!  Best earned spanking ever!  I never told my Mom that I heard her cry and I never told her why I hated old Mrs. Crosby after that.
Every single Mother’s Day, birthday and Christmas after that I made sure good old Mom got underwear and Jean Nate’ perfume.  No one would ever say my Mother had holes in her underwear ever again.  That poor woman got new underwear from me every holiday till the day she died! LOL
My Mom had the most beautiful Iris in her garden.  Growing up I looked for the blooms every time I walked up the steps to our house.  When I married I dug some up and took them with me and have transplanted them with each move.  In our back yard she had peonies. She taught me the importance of each ant that helped the flowers open.  As I look out my front door my garden is covered in Iris long ago loved by a little girl to remind her she was home.  They remind me that this is where Mom’s love is…right here with me.  On the side of my house sit 4 bushes of peonies striving to open their petals of beauty.  I can’t look at them without hearing her voice remind me of the ants.  I cherish the memories…. they are all that I have to hold on to.
I remember my Mother loved to sing and she sang like an angel.  I loved her voice!  Although I did not inherit that musical gene my youngest daughter did.  Oh how I love to hear her sing each and every time.  I hear my Mom in each word and can’t help but smile at how proud she must be of my girl.

Today I will visit her grave alone.  It’s easier to go alone.  I’ll clean off her stone, arrange her flowers and pour some Jean Nate in the ground so for that moment I can close my eyes and smell her close to me. Oh how I miss her!  I’ll tell her of my worries and my joys and imagine I see her smile. 

I’m sure she’s happy in heaven and celebrating with her own Mother…I’m happy for her.  She’ll have the finest breakfast, walk through the gardens of Iris and peonies holding my Dad’s hand for sure and sing the beautiful songs of her youth.  She’ll have on the prettiest dress and you can bet….she has on new underwear!  I imagine she’s quite a beauty to behold in heaven!
So yes today I am Debbie downer…missing the most wonderful Mom in the world on the day meant to honor your Mom.  Normally I spend my life trying to do what she taught me to do.  I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated.  I reach out to others and offer my hands to help them up but today…today I can’t. 
After my trek to the cemetery I’ll venture to go hold the hand of my best friend.  Together we’ll cry I’m sure for she is missing her sweet Mom too who died 2 months after mine.  We’ll cry for the things we miss about them, we’ll cry for the struggle my friend is going through without her Mom to hold her hand and I’ll try to do my best to be enough for her.   When I leave my best friend’s house…I’ll stop the car to cry for my friend.  She is battling cancer and doing it with a smile trying to convince me and her family that she is not afraid.  I know her…she is afraid but she is fierce!  That is a story for another post!

So Happy Mother’s Day to all of you dreading today as much as me!  I’m sorry you are dreading it and no doubt your sweet Mother’s are partying in heaven with mine!  One day…when our time comes…we’ll see those smiling eyes once again…I promise!