About a month ago my best friend stopped for a visit.  We chatted then she said “I’ve got something to tell you.”  A million things ran through my mind but not one involved her telling me she had cancer.  She explained that she had known for about 2 weeks but didn’t want to say a word until she knew all the details.  She has uterine cancer!  All I heard was the C word.  All I could think of was “NO..YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY BEST FRIEND…MY SISTER FROM GOD.”  I listened and held back as many of the tears as I could.  I’m not sure I did such a great job but I tried.

My friend and I are very different.  She is controlled.  She is VERY PRIVATE.  She is the person who sits back and takes it all in.  She is very quiet.  I…I am the opposite!  I’m very social and talk to everyone.  I let my feelings show and don’t make excuses for them.  She is my voice of reason….I am the one who reminds her to jump in sometimes and grab life by the balls.

After the initial declaration she asked me to promise a few things.  1) Do not start a meal calendar.  2) Tell no one but my own family.  3) No fundraiser.  4) Hold her hand and pull her up when she needs it.  5)  No requests for prayers for her on FB…she wanted no one to know or look at her with pity.  She knows me all too well:)    I am the one in our community who calls in the troops when someone needs it….she wanted no troops.  I have no choice but to do as she asks and I’ll tell you it is killing me.  I told her I would do all that for a stranger and I have.  Here she is a huge part of my heart and she asks me to do none of that!    I haven’t told anyone but my 7 kids and my husband.  My daughter did tell one of my friends.  She was crying on the drive to school and blurted it out.  She’s only a kid and my friend understood.  I did manage to get her on a few prayer chains at some local churches without giving her full name and in churches not in our community.  I did ask for prayers on FB but very generically and I do that alot so no one will guess it’s her.

Her treatment plan was quickly executed.  She had surgery last week and was out in 2 days.  The plan was to remove the entire uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries and be done!  Plans don’t always go the way we want…the plan has changed.  While they did take the tubes and ovaries along with 20 lymph nodes the uterus had to stay with it’s ugly C word tumor!  The nodes showed it has spread.  They need the uterus there as  a vessel for internal radiation.  The plan is now chemo, radiation and then internal radiation which will almost melt away the uterus as collateral damage.

Word leaked out at about her condition at her one job.  Her sister works there and blabbed.  My friend has to accept that and best thing is ….I didn’t blab! Co-workers have sent flowers and meals and she is learning to accept.  My kids and I have made sure to be there everyday at least for a bit.  She looks good and her spirits are okay.  My job is to remind her when she’s getting too crabby with her husband or kids and to step back.  My job is to hold her hand and remind her we have crazy things to do….we have future grandchildren to spoil and I won’t let her go!

I see her put her game face on….I can see through her bullshit of being tough….I can see when she needs to cry and we do it together!  I’m a hugger…she is not.  Over the years she has learned to hug and that it is okay to lean on me like I lean on her.  This leg of the adventure she not only lets me hug…she needs them and hugs back!  I have plenty of them in my arsenal.

I’ve cleared my calendar to go along to chemo and radiation even though she says she’ll go alone.  Eventually she’ll need me and I’m ready to jump right in!  She asked “What about your job?”  I’ve reminded her that right now…my job is her…I need her and I’m ready to fight right along with her.  We’ve talked about whether she will lose her hair…chemo gets to decide and we don’t know that yet.  We’ve talked about the best wig place..she knows all too well the course this thing can take since she lost her own mother to ovarian cancer 2 years ago and her sister battled it 3 years ago.

I’m scared!  I’m mad!  I can’t explain the importance this woman has in my life.  I have crappy siblings.  They aren’t part of my life.  My Mom died in 2011.  She held me up when I couldn’t stand up alone.  She got me through the worst days of my life.  Her Mom died 2 months after mine and I held her up.  We are each other’s family….we love each other’s kids….you can be damn sure I’d do whatever it takes to win this friggen cancer war with her!

So I need prayers, good thoughts, mojo …whatever you can offer….her name is Sue and I’d appreciate some help.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.