My Best Friend Has Cancer and I Hate It!

About a month ago my best friend stopped for a visit.  We chatted then she said “I’ve got something to tell you.”  A million things ran through my mind but not one involved her telling me she had cancer.  She explained that she had known for about 2 weeks but didn’t want to say a word until she knew all the details.  She has uterine cancer!  All I heard was the C word.  All I could think of was “NO..YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY BEST FRIEND…MY SISTER FROM GOD.”  I listened and held back as many of the tears as I could.  I’m not sure I did such a great job but I tried.

My friend and I are very different.  She is controlled.  She is VERY PRIVATE.  She is the person who sits back and takes it all in.  She is very quiet.  I…I am the opposite!  I’m very social and talk to everyone.  I let my feelings show and don’t make excuses for them.  She is my voice of reason….I am the one who reminds her to jump in sometimes and grab life by the balls.

After the initial declaration she asked me to promise a few things.  1) Do not start a meal calendar.  2) Tell no one but my own family.  3) No fundraiser.  4) Hold her hand and pull her up when she needs it.  5)  No requests for prayers for her on FB…she wanted no one to know or look at her with pity.  She knows me all too well:)    I am the one in our community who calls in the troops when someone needs it….she wanted no troops.  I have no choice but to do as she asks and I’ll tell you it is killing me.  I told her I would do all that for a stranger and I have.  Here she is a huge part of my heart and she asks me to do none of that!    I haven’t told anyone but my 7 kids and my husband.  My daughter did tell one of my friends.  She was crying on the drive to school and blurted it out.  She’s only a kid and my friend understood.  I did manage to get her on a few prayer chains at some local churches without giving her full name and in churches not in our community.  I did ask for prayers on FB but very generically and I do that alot so no one will guess it’s her.

Her treatment plan was quickly executed.  She had surgery last week and was out in 2 days.  The plan was to remove the entire uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries and be done!  Plans don’t always go the way we want…the plan has changed.  While they did take the tubes and ovaries along with 20 lymph nodes the uterus had to stay with it’s ugly C word tumor!  The nodes showed it has spread.  They need the uterus there as  a vessel for internal radiation.  The plan is now chemo, radiation and then internal radiation which will almost melt away the uterus as collateral damage.

Word leaked out at about her condition at her one job.  Her sister works there and blabbed.  My friend has to accept that and best thing is ….I didn’t blab! Co-workers have sent flowers and meals and she is learning to accept.  My kids and I have made sure to be there everyday at least for a bit.  She looks good and her spirits are okay.  My job is to remind her when she’s getting too crabby with her husband or kids and to step back.  My job is to hold her hand and remind her we have crazy things to do….we have future grandchildren to spoil and I won’t let her go!

I see her put her game face on….I can see through her bullshit of being tough….I can see when she needs to cry and we do it together!  I’m a hugger…she is not.  Over the years she has learned to hug and that it is okay to lean on me like I lean on her.  This leg of the adventure she not only lets me hug…she needs them and hugs back!  I have plenty of them in my arsenal.

I’ve cleared my calendar to go along to chemo and radiation even though she says she’ll go alone.  Eventually she’ll need me and I’m ready to jump right in!  She asked “What about your job?”  I’ve reminded her that right now…my job is her…I need her and I’m ready to fight right along with her.  We’ve talked about whether she will lose her hair…chemo gets to decide and we don’t know that yet.  We’ve talked about the best wig place..she knows all too well the course this thing can take since she lost her own mother to ovarian cancer 2 years ago and her sister battled it 3 years ago.

I’m scared!  I’m mad!  I can’t explain the importance this woman has in my life.  I have crappy siblings.  They aren’t part of my life.  My Mom died in 2011.  She held me up when I couldn’t stand up alone.  She got me through the worst days of my life.  Her Mom died 2 months after mine and I held her up.  We are each other’s family….we love each other’s kids….you can be damn sure I’d do whatever it takes to win this friggen cancer war with her!

So I need prayers, good thoughts, mojo …whatever you can offer….her name is Sue and I’d appreciate some help.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Dreading Mother’s Day

Today is the day we are supposed to show our Moms just how much we love them.  We are supposed to take them flowers, out to dinner and remind them how much their loved.  I can’t do that!!!  My sweet Mother passed away 2 years ago and today I spend it being sad that I can’t spend it with her.
I am normally the cup half full kind of woman but today…that one is hard for me!  Yes I am a mother of oodles of kids but today I want to be with my MOM and today I can’t!  That makes for one huge suckfest in my world today.  I want to see her smile…I want to hold her hand ….I can’t!

I was lucky.  I had an awesome Mom.  She was amazing.  She was selfless beyond compare.  My Mom didn’t have an easy life.  I remember a time when noisy neighbors gossiped about my poor Mom and the poor condition of her undergarments on the clothesline. They had comments that poor Mom’s underwear had holes in them.  Oh the cackling hens didn’t think that one would reach my Mother’s ears but oh it did.  My Mom wasn’t one for caring what noisy people had to say but I remember that day when I was young.  A friend of her’s told her about the gossip.  She acted liked she didn’t care but she was hurt for sure.  I remember her going up to her room for a few minutes and hearing her cry.  I remember sitting outside her door and feeling like all I wanted to do was wallop old Mrs. Crosby for hurting my Mom’s feelings.  Why did she care what my Mom’s underwear looked like? Why did she have to make my Mom cry?  I remember marching up to the corner where Mrs. Crosby lived and seeing her outside.  I remember telling her she was mean and storming away.  The woman had no idea what I was talking about but you can be sure she told my Mom later how disrespectful I was and you can be sure I got a spanking for that one!  Best earned spanking ever!  I never told my Mom that I heard her cry and I never told her why I hated old Mrs. Crosby after that.
Every single Mother’s Day, birthday and Christmas after that I made sure good old Mom got underwear and Jean Nate’ perfume.  No one would ever say my Mother had holes in her underwear ever again.  That poor woman got new underwear from me every holiday till the day she died! LOL
My Mom had the most beautiful Iris in her garden.  Growing up I looked for the blooms every time I walked up the steps to our house.  When I married I dug some up and took them with me and have transplanted them with each move.  In our back yard she had peonies. She taught me the importance of each ant that helped the flowers open.  As I look out my front door my garden is covered in Iris long ago loved by a little girl to remind her she was home.  They remind me that this is where Mom’s love is…right here with me.  On the side of my house sit 4 bushes of peonies striving to open their petals of beauty.  I can’t look at them without hearing her voice remind me of the ants.  I cherish the memories…. they are all that I have to hold on to.
I remember my Mother loved to sing and she sang like an angel.  I loved her voice!  Although I did not inherit that musical gene my youngest daughter did.  Oh how I love to hear her sing each and every time.  I hear my Mom in each word and can’t help but smile at how proud she must be of my girl.

Today I will visit her grave alone.  It’s easier to go alone.  I’ll clean off her stone, arrange her flowers and pour some Jean Nate in the ground so for that moment I can close my eyes and smell her close to me. Oh how I miss her!  I’ll tell her of my worries and my joys and imagine I see her smile. 

I’m sure she’s happy in heaven and celebrating with her own Mother…I’m happy for her.  She’ll have the finest breakfast, walk through the gardens of Iris and peonies holding my Dad’s hand for sure and sing the beautiful songs of her youth.  She’ll have on the prettiest dress and you can bet….she has on new underwear!  I imagine she’s quite a beauty to behold in heaven!
So yes today I am Debbie downer…missing the most wonderful Mom in the world on the day meant to honor your Mom.  Normally I spend my life trying to do what she taught me to do.  I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated.  I reach out to others and offer my hands to help them up but today…today I can’t. 
After my trek to the cemetery I’ll venture to go hold the hand of my best friend.  Together we’ll cry I’m sure for she is missing her sweet Mom too who died 2 months after mine.  We’ll cry for the things we miss about them, we’ll cry for the struggle my friend is going through without her Mom to hold her hand and I’ll try to do my best to be enough for her.   When I leave my best friend’s house…I’ll stop the car to cry for my friend.  She is battling cancer and doing it with a smile trying to convince me and her family that she is not afraid.  I know her…she is afraid but she is fierce!  That is a story for another post!

So Happy Mother’s Day to all of you dreading today as much as me!  I’m sorry you are dreading it and no doubt your sweet Mother’s are partying in heaven with mine!  One day…when our time comes…we’ll see those smiling eyes once again…I promise!

 

Please Just Shave My Head Mom

My poor daughter has head lice AGAIN!  Several years ago during an outbreak at school my long haired beauty got head lice.  Those determined bugs would not leave that luxurious head of hair.  We used the normal lice ridding solutions with little success, mayo on her hair nightly and tree oil shampoo.  It’s a wonder that child’s hair didn’t fall out!  After a solid 5 weeks she was lice and nit free! Every night that sweet kid begged me to shave her head and the tears would flow.  I didn’t do it but my heart just broke with every tear.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago!  She said her head itched.  I told her it was all in her head.  She insisted I check that long mane of hair again and lo and behold it wasn’t in her head it was all over her head.  Immediately I started to itch and I haven’t stopped yet.  I’ve treated her hair twice now and they seem to be retreating.  I comb that mop of hair nightly for about 1 1/2 hours to get all the nits I can find.  She’s using tree oil shampoo nightly and hating every minute of this horrible dilemma.

Again I reminded her they love clean hair.  Clean hair is a favorite.  She is mortified regardless of me telling her over and over it has nothing to do with hygiene.  I can attest she’s got to be the cleanest kid in town after daily 40 minute showers! LOL  She is embarrassed to tell her friends so the sleepovers she normally has have been put on hold.  Her sheets are washed daily and her room sanitized over and over!  Yes …I’m itching now! LOL

I’ve checked the heads of all the rest of my kids, my husband and myself  and none of us have them.  I even went as far to treat my own head to make her feel better and still nothing!

My advice to you if you come across this dilemma with your own kids is to treat, comb and comb some more!  Wash those sheets and blankets in hot, hot water.   Put all the stuffed animals in a bag in a cold place like a garage or better yet convince them to throw those dust collectors out!  Use tree tea oil shampoo and tons of hair spray!  Make the poor child wear their hair up and sprayed down till you’re sure it’s over!  Last but not least make sure to hug them over and over!  They feel embarrassed and they are trying to stay away from others….Moms can’t be one of them!

If you have some of  your own trusted remedies feel free to leave them here!